The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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