Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
