and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
