thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
