I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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