How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
