words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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