Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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