the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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