i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
