Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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