Fine. I'll sleep in my office
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
