Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So much rum. So many feels.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
