goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
