There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
