Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
