Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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