I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
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