you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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