If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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