Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
