First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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