I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I faked an abortion last night.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
