my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I FOUND THE LEGS
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
