I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
