you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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