Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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