Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
