Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
