i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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