that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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