I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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