You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
