I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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