someone get that fucking seahorse.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
