Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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