I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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