You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
they're like a gay fantastic four
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
