She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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