hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
