You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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