the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
