I heard we made out
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
