I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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