my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
