Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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