I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
