i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
