Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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