Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
