I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
