are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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